i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
