i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
