Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
