who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
