sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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