I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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