you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
