i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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