official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
