Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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