According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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