Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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