we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The best revenge is premature balding
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
