I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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