Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
