Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
