oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
