On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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