Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
