No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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