I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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