i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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