The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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