I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
