i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
