wat bout pragnant strippers??
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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