I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
