please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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