every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I would ride that face into the sunset
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
