Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
