tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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