for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
