Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
