Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
