If that was your dad, he is hot
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
