It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
