Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I AM VODKA MAN
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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