I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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