If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
