So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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