I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
