He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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