she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
