maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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