If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
