So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
