I am puke
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
