so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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