there's paper in my vomit.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
