his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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