brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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